


The Ball

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [88]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Panic Attacks, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8754502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: johnn: why do we have to have fittings for the ballmore like HUNKules: ARE YOU KIDDING





	

**Author's Note:**

> !!!WARNING!!! I put it in the tags but just in case, near the end lafayette has a panic attack and while the Actual panic attack isn't depicted, it is mentioned 
> 
> stay safe!!!

**johnn** : why do we have to have fittings for the ball  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ARE YOU KIDDING  
  
**johnn** : ,,,,,,,  
  
**more like HUNKules** : BC WERE IDIOTS AND DECIDED TO WEAR THE ONLY TUXES WE OWN WHICH I MADE THREE YEARS AGO  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IVE GROWN SO MUCH SINCE THEN IM NOT EVEN READY TO SEE THESE THINGS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND  
  
**johnn** : oh my god  
  
**little lion** : I've been trying to calm him down for five minutes I just??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you rubbing my shoulders honestly makes me want to cry I love it and I love you sm  
  
**more like HUNKules** : BUT AT THE SAME TIME THESE FUCKING TUXES  
  
**little lion** : I love you too  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh my god I don't even want to think about the hems  
  
**little lion** : I am in your lap now give me your phone  
  
**more like HUNKules** : fine  
  
**laf** : alex is literally a mother signif I love him  
  
**little lion** : I love you too omg  
  
**little lion** : I need to Reassure hercules and then we can leave  
  
**johnn** : good luck  
  
**little lion** : he looks so worried I'm so  
  
**little lion** : gotta go  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I CAN FUCKIGN FIND MY CORSET LINER  
  
**laf** : MAYBE I CAN JUST NOT WEAR IT  
  
**little lion** : LIKE ACTUAL LITERAL HELL YOU WILL  
  
**little lion** : I AM NOW IN FULL MOTHER MODE AND IF YOU DONT WEAR YOUR FUCKING CORSET LINER I WILL NOT PUT YOU IN THE FUCKING CORSET  
  
**laf** : JESUS OKAY  
  
**laf** : OH I FOUND IT WOO  
  
**little lion** : GOOD  
  
**laf** : ARE YOU OKAY  
  
**little lion** : I THINK I JUST TRADED STRESS WITH HERCULES BC I WAS TOTALLY FINE AND THEN I CALMED HIM DOWN AND NOW MY STRESS LEVELS ARE  
  
**little lion** : PRETTY FUCKIN HIGH  
  
**laf** : LOVE  
  
**little lion** : IM SORRY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : SORRY ALEX  
  
**little lion** : ITS FINE YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG  
  
**little lion** : OKAY LETS GO TO HERCULES STUDIO  
  
**johnn** : LETS G O  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : okay I'm concerned as to why you LEFT your studio as soon as you saw me in my tux  
  
**more like HUNKules** : FIRST OF ALL  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHY DOES YOUR DICK JUST N O T FIT IN YOUR PANTS ANYMORE LIKE WHAT ARENT YOU TELLING US  
  
**more like HUNKules** : LIKE WHY IS THE SEAM STRAINING  
  
**johnn** : IAHDKFH;FJGHKFJG  
  
**more like HUNKules** : THE HEM ON YOUR PANTS IS ALSO THREE INCHES TOO SHORT  
  
**johnn** : why do you immediately know that  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I've been doing this for a long time  
  
**johnn** : why do you sound like sixty  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHY DONT YOUR PANTS FIT YOU  
  
**johnn** : HONESTLY I DONT KNOW ITS NOT LIKE IVE GROWN AT ALL  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I mean you could've  
  
**johnn** : you've seen me you know I haven't  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I know I just don't want to believe I made your pants that badly  
  
**johnn** : they're not bAD they just don't fit me  
  
**more like HUNKules** : THEYRE HANDMADE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IF THEY DONT FIT YOU IT MEANS THEYRE BAD  
  
**johnn** : COME BA C K HERE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : FINE  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : this looks like torture  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm literally so scared  
  
**johnn** : I don't think the fact that laf is just standing here in their underwear and stockings bracing themselves on a chair is helping  
  
**johnn** : not to mention they're SCREAMING  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and alex is screaming,,,aT them  
  
**johnn** : to be fair they keep forgetting to do the breathing exercises  
  
**more like HUNKules** : see this is why I could never wear a corset  
  
**johnn** : you in a corset would actually make me cry  
  
**johnn** : like just the aesthetic of it and your silhouette and you as a person  
  
**johnn** : I'd probably just sob  
  
**more like HUNKules** : omg  
  
**johnn** : I love you so much you're beautiful  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I love you too!!  
  
**johnn** : james and thomas are here??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : LOOK AT LAFS FACE  
  
**johnn** : OH THEYRE NOT BREATHING AT ALL NOW  
  
**johnn** : IVE NEVER EVEN SEEN LAF THAT RED BEFORE JES U S  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : when thomas sees alex he just becomes the human emobiment of !!*:ﾟ*｡⋆ฺ(*´◡`)!! and honestly it's so cute  
  
**johnn** : I knOW I LOVE IT  
  
**laf** : AND ALEX GETS ALL BLUSHY AND HE'S LIKE !THOMAS! AND THEY JUST SMILE AT EACH OTHER FOR A SECOND AND JAMES IS SMILING SO WIDE AT THEM THAT HE HAS TO TURN AROUND SO HE CAN GIGGLE TO HIMSELF WITHOUT US SEEING  
  
**johnn** : YE S  
  
**johnn** : also hold up why are you totally okay with them seeing you rn like I'd be Dead  
  
**laf** : I've kind of just accepted that this is my life rn  
  
**johnn** : I  
  
**more like HUNKules** : omg  
  
**more like HUNKules** : also I'm fine with them being here but also @alex like why  
  
**little lion** : bc laf is my spouse and they're wearing blue and thomas is my boyfriend and he's wearing pink I'm pretty sure and he matches with james but I don't know if laf matches with james and thomas  
  
**laf** : okay but I'm not dating thomas and/or james so would it matter  
  
**little lion** : OF COURSE  
  
**laf** : r e al l y tho??  
  
**little lion** : IT WOULD BE NICE  
  
**laf** : fine  
  
**laf** : bc I love you  
  
**little lion** : yay!! I love you too!!  
  
**laf** : jefferson is staring at me rn  
  
**little lion** : you're wearing your underwear, stockings, and a corset liner like??  
  
**laf** : I'm watching him  
  
**little lion** : omg  
  
**little lion** : okay time to put you in your corset  
  
**little lion** : AND IF YOU DONT DO THE BREATHING EXERCISES I WILL STAB YOU BC YOU WILL SUFFOCATE IN THIS IF YOU DONT  
  
**laf** : OKAY OKAY  
  
**little lion** : I JUST WANT YOU TO BE SAFE  
  
**laf** : I know honey  
  
**little lion** : !!!  
  
**little lion** : let's go  
  
**laf** : let's go!!  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : thomas is literally like,,,,taking notes on how we are to alex  
  
**johnn** : laf called him honey and his eyes fucking bulged out of his skull  
  
**johnn** : he probably has a ton of southern nicknames that he's been Waiting to call alex and honey was like his Confirmation  
  
**laf** : aw that's cute though  
  
**laf** : wait do you have southern nicknames that you want to call us?? tf??  
  
**johnn** : not necessarily  
  
**johnn** : they require an accent to make them sound normal and you're fresh out of luck if you think that's happening  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**laf** : your accent is cute tho and it's not like you'd be the only one in our family with one  
  
**johnn** : yEAH BUT YOURS IS DEEP AND NICE AND MAKES PEOPLE GO WEAK AT THE KNEES AND MINE SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HUNG UP MY THIRTY SECOND TRUMP SIGN FOR MY COUSIN THAT I WAS ENGAGED TO FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME WHILE HER SIX YEAR OLD SON SHOOTS BIRDS OUT OF THE SKY WITH HSI FUCKINF ROCK SLINGSHOT  
  
**laf** : DFH;LJDSHKJFDHJHKJDSKJDFSHGKJDSGH  
  
**more like HUNKules** : OKAY FIRST OF ALL  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING OFF YOUR TUX SO I CAN FIX IT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : AND YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE PUTTING YOUR BALL GOWN ON SO I CAN SEE IT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ALEX IS THE ONLY ONE DOING WHAT I ASKED AND STANDING HERE LETTING ME PIN HIS TUX AND IM NOT EVEN DOING WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO BC IM YELLING AT YOU TWO  
  
**johnn** : honestly though doing this at eight on thursday two days before the ball are we kidding  
  
**more like HUNKules** : GET OUT OF YOUR SUIT  
  
**johnn** : F I N E  
  
**more like HUNKules** : THANK YOU I LOVE YOU AND IM SORRY BUT IM VERY STRESSED  
  
**johnn** : YOURE FINE LOVE WE UNDERSTAND  
  
**more like HUNKules** : THANK YOU  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : do you think they're talking about us  
  
**jmadzzz** : probably  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh god  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : also I just realized that I haven't actually seen you in your suit yet you just told me that it was gray  
  
**jmadzzz** : idk I think you'll like it  
  
**jmadzzz** : bc I like it and I look Good in it and you're You and in love with me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : true  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : honestly though I might die  
  
**jmadzzz** : I??  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I haven't seen you in a three piece suit in forever and last time I literally flatlined  
  
**jmadzzz** : you only passed out for a little bit  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : it was a wild shift in blood flow so it was justified  
  
**jmadzzz** : I was flattered tbh  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : thanks  
  
**jmadzzz** : also just a,,,comment  
  
**jmadzzz** : you're staring at lafayette, mulligan, and laurens like you want to kill them  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : THEY KNOW ALEX SO WELL AND I JUST !!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : omg  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ITS JUST !!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : IM NOT JEALOUS  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : JEALOUSY JUST DOESNT WORK IN POLY RELATIONSHIPS ITS NOT SOMETHING THAT CAN HAPPEN  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : BUT ITS LIKE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I DO WANT TO KNOW HIM BETTER THAN I DO NOW BC HES SO AMAZING AND I GET TO DATE HIM AND HES SO BEAUTIFUL SO ITS LIKE !!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : you're faLLING IN LOVE WITH HIM  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : YEAH  
  
**jmadzzz** : THATS SO CUTE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : DNOT MENTION IT TO THEM  
  
**jmadzzz** : I won't  
  
**jmadzzz** : IM NOT GOING TO TAKE AWAY YOUR CHANCE TO TELL HIM YOURSELF WHO DO YOU THINK I AM  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : THANK YOU I LOVE YOU  
  
**jmadzzz** : I LOVE YOU TOO  
  
**jmadzzz** : NOW COME ON WE HAVE TO SHOW THEM OUR SUITS  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : WAIT I NEED TO GRAB MY CANE  
  
**jmadzzz** : IM SORRY WHAT  
  
**jmadzzz** : CANE???  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : alex just viSIBLY gulped  
  
**johnn** : I h e a r d that  
  
**more like HUNKules** : he's sO RED  
  
**laf** : THOMAS SEES IT TOO AND NOW HES BLUSHING  
  
**johnn** : THEYRE BOTH SO !!!!! IM THRIVIN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDNT BE WATCHING THIS RN LIKE THIS IS SOMETHING PRIVATE THAT I CANT SEE  
  
**laf** : ""you look,,,,good,,,"" ""do you like the cane??"" ""you're ridiculous"" ""a good ridiculous though??"" *cue alex's smile that's as bright as the fucking sun* ""definitely"" THUS IS SO FUCKIGN CUTE IM SOBBINH  
  
**johnn** : !!! ! !!!! !! !! !! !  
  
**more like HUNKules** : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
**little lion** : STOP IT STOP THAT RIGHT NOW  
  
**laf** : A LE X  
  
**little lion** : HUSH  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : thomas smells re a lly n ice  
  
**little lion** : like I was kissing him before he left and he smells pink lemonade in spring and jasmine being blown through the air  
  
**laf** : you have the prettiest fucking smell analogies  
  
**little lion** : thank you  
  
**little lion** : but I honestly wouldn't mind spending like two hours just smelling him  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**little lion** : it's really gOOD  
  
**little lion** : LIKE ITS NICE  
  
**laf** : aw  
  
**little lion** : do you want me to take you out of your corset  
  
**laf** : please  
  
**little lion** : of course love  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : wait what do I smell like  
  
**laf** : bc you said pretty in the winter and sunshine in the spring but like I'm curious bc of your ~~smell comparisons~~  
  
**little lion** : in winter/fall you smell like the aesthetic of glitter covered parties filled with beautiful people dressed in designer silk and the two people standing on the balcony of the upscale penthouse apartment drinking champagne and overlooking the dazzling view of the city around them while they talk about the mysterious secret that they dare not tell another soul  
  
**laf** : b a b e  
  
**little lion** : and then in the summer/spring you smell like the aesthetic of fresh air under a bright blue sky with fluffy clouds and homemade honey while you wear a sunhat sitting on lawn furniture watching as hercules cuts the grass and he smiles at you and the wind blows just right and in that moment everything just seems perfect and there's the sound of ice clinking against glasses and me and john are there and we all just love it all so much that nothing could take us from that moment  
  
**laf** : we need to make a list of things to do one day and that scenario needs to be at the very top  
  
**little lion** : we'd have to get a house with a lawn first  
  
**laf** : of course!!  
  
**laf** : I mean,,,we don't plan to live in the city forever do we?  
  
**little lion** : oh dear I don't know  
  
**little lion** : I love it here though  
  
**little lion** : we have jobs here and thomas is here and basically everyone we know is here  
  
**little lion** : john's family is here  
  
**little lion** : we plan to raise our children here idk if I'd want to give that up  
  
**laf** : true true  
  
**laf** : but that's a long way away though like I don't mean soon  
  
**laf** : like when we eventually retire and settle down  
  
**laf** : MAYBE WE'LL BE RICH ENOUGH THAT THAT COULD BE OUR VACATION HOME  
  
**laf** : ABSOLUTELY NO PANTS ALLOWED  
  
**little lion** : we'll be like 65 by then nobody wants to see that  
  
**laf** : oh honey I will  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**laf** : the day I stop being attracted to you is a day that's never coming trust me  
  
**laf** : no matter how old we get I'm always going to find you all hot  
  
**little lion** : omg  
  
**laf** : let's go home so you can rub the lines on my skin from my corset  
  
**little lion** : are they really that bad? bc if they are I don't think you should wear it love  
  
**laf** : they're not  
  
**laf** : but they're sore  
  
**little lion** : okay then let's go home  
  
**laf** : thank you  
  
**little lion** : come on  
  
**laf** : right behind you  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : laf it's nine in the morning why are you u p  
  
**laf** : THE BALL IS TODAY  
  
**laf** : I NEED TO GET MY NAILS DONE AND I HAVE TO BUY STOCKINGS AND BAND AIDS AND ALSO A G O O D NECKLACE BC THIS IS A FUCKING BALL GO BIG OR GO HOME  
  
**johnn** : you have stockings and why bandaids  
  
**laf** : but I need Better stockings and you don't need to know about the band aids  
  
**laf** : also I'm leaving to get my nails done bc my appointment is at ten so I gotta go  
  
**johnn** : wait!! kiss me!!  
  
**laf** : of course  
  
**johnn** : I love you!!  
  
**laf** : love you too!!  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we're awake and I regret it!!  
  
**little lion** : judging by where your other hand is rn it doesn't seem like you regret it  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ,,,,,,,  
  
**johnn** : I try to be That Husband and make breakfast Once and you two just  
  
**little lion** : sorry love  
  
**johnn** : you're not  
  
**little lion** : I am a little bit  
  
**johnn** : ,,,,,,  
  
**little lion** : okay I'm not hercules is already heaving and I haven't even touched him yet  
  
**more like HUNKules** : listen,,,  
  
**johnn** : omg  
  
**laf** : CAN YALL N O T  
  
**laf** : IM TRYING NOT TO SCREAM WHILE THIS MAN DOES MY NAILS AND HE DOESNT DESERVE IT  
  
**little lion** : sORRY  
  
**johnn** : IM EATING ALL OF THESE EGGS BY MYSELF  
  
**little lion** : WE'LL BE DOWN IN A B I T  
  
**johnn** : AND THE EGGS WILL BE COLD BY THEN SO FUCK YOU  
  
**little lion** : JONNHHNNHNHN  
  
**johnn** : F I N E  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : these eggs are cold now :^((  
  
**little lion** : soRRY LOVE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : my wrists hurt  
  
**little lion** : the marks will be gone by the ball tho  
  
**more like HUNKules** : if they're not then I'm Not Going  
  
**little lion** : hercules  
  
**more like HUNKules** : NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT WE DO  
  
**johnn** : well I heard All of it so come down here and eat breakfast with me  
  
**little lion** : we love you john  
  
**johnn** : I know  
  
**johnn** : but seriously get down here and eat these fucking cold eggs with lukewarm bacon  
  
**little lion** : we're coming  
  
**johnn** : yOU ALREADY DID THAT NOW GET DOWNSTAIRS  
  
**little lion** : JSDHFJDSHFA;JSD  
  
**little lion** : ON OUR WAY  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : I love alex and hercules so much but they're still sweaty and I'm kind of grossed out  
  
**little lion** : we didn't have timE to shower  
  
**little lion** : and also you've been lying in between us for like an hour and a half and you haven't said anything  
  
**johnn** : you've been kissin my shoulders the whole time and that's distracting  
  
**johnn** : and go shower now then  
  
**little lion** : come with us  
  
**laf** : I can hear our water bill rising rn  
  
**little lion** : hush you  
  
**johnn** : fine  
  
**laf** : after this I'm going to walmart to buy stuff do y'all want to come with me  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I need new cufflinks for minimum amount of money so sure  
  
**little lion** : same  
  
**johnn** : same!!  
  
**laf** : yay!!  
  
**laf** : you have twenty minutes  
  
**little lion** : oh god  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : do the band aids have anything to do with your corset??  
  
**laf** : no  
  
**little lion** : just checking  
  
**little lion** : bc I want you to be Safe and if you are Not Telling Us when you're not Safe I will Kill You  
  
**laf** : I promise that I'm fine  
  
**little lion** : okay  
  
**little lion** : I'm still going to worry about you though  
  
**laf** : I love you  
  
**laf** : thank you for caring so much about me  
  
**little lion** : I love you too!!  
  
**little lion** : caring for you is what we do as husbands!! bc we love you!!!!  
  
**laf** : :^)))  
  
**laf** : THEY HAVE BARBIE BAND AIDS  
  
**laf** : I SWEAR TO GOD IM TEN YEARS OLD IM BUYING THREE BOXES  
  
**little lion** : godspeed love  
  
**laf** : THANK YOU  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : this is why we never leave alex alone in stores  
  
**little lion** : I only have a fEW THINGS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ??????  
  
**little lion** : just a cute umbrella and two new throw blankets bc they're really soft and I love them  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I  
  
**little lion** : we're such a soft relationship I love us  
  
**more like HUNKules** : are you okay  
  
**little lion** : no I'm small and these throw blankets are huge take one  
  
**more like HUNKules** : got it  
  
**little lion** : thanks love  
  
**laf** : IM CHECKED OUT DO YOU ALL HAVE YOUR STUFF  
  
**little lion** : YES HOLD ON LET ME PAY THE MACHINE  
  
**johnn** : IM WAITING FOR ALEX TO PAY THE MACHINE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : RT  
  
**laf** : okay I can't find you,,,,,so I'll be in the car  
  
**johnn** : are we going home after this  
  
**laf** : no we're going to the jewelry store bc I need a necklace  
  
**johnn** : oh god  
  
**laf** : I saved up so much money for this over the past three months  
  
**johnn** : I'm so afraid  
  
**laf** : you should be  
  
**johnn** : WERE COMING TO THE CAR NOW  
  
**laf** : perfect  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : hercules are you okay  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I mean,,,yeah  
  
**johnn** : you're in tears love  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm fine  
  
**laf** : it's bc you're looking at the engagement rings isn't it??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ,,,,,maybe??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I just,,,want to be married to you!! like literally so bad!! and I'm s o happy with our relationship now bc I love you all so much and you're all so fucking beautiful and you Make me so happy but I !!! think it would be nice to be married to you  
  
**laf** : aw heRCULES  
  
**johnn** : WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH  
  
**little lion** : WE WANT TO GET MARRIED TO YOU TOO!!  
  
**laf** : what if we just  
  
**laf** : ,,,,buy the rings  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**johnn** : I'm listening  
  
**laf** : bc,,,,,,we Are engaged  
  
**laf** : so why not  
  
**more like HUNKules** : they'd cover up our tattoos tho :^(((  
  
**laf** : our tattoos go pretty far so I don't think they'd get covered as much as they'd border the rings  
  
**johnn** : aw that's cute tho bc like if we're not wearing our rings we're still Wearing our Rings  
  
**little lion** : bc our love goes past materialistic objects <3 <3 <3  
  
**more like HUNKules** : are we really doing this??  
  
**johnn** : yes  
  
**laf** : yes  
  
**little lion** : yes  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ,,,alright then  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : THAT FUCKIGN NECKLACE  
  
**laf** : ITS NICE  
  
**johnn** : IT WAS THREE MILLION DOLLARS  
  
**laf** : it wAS NOT  
  
**johnn** : IT WAS A LOT OF MONEY THOUGH  
  
**laf** : YES I SAVED UP FOR IT AND ITS PRETTY  
  
**laf** : ALMOST AS PRETTY AS MY NEW ENGAGEMENT RING I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH  
  
**johnn** : WE LOVE YOU TOO!!  
  
**laf** : ARE ANY OF US NOT CRYING  
  
**johnn** : NO  
  
**laf** : FUCK OKAY  
  
**laf** : WE CAN JUST SIT IN THE CAR UNTIL ONE OF US CAN SEE THE ROAD TO DRIVE HOME  
  
**johnn** : THATS FINE  
  
**johnn** : I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH FUCK  
  
**laf** : WE LO V E YOU TOO  
  
**johnn:**!!!!!  
  
**laf** : !!!!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : honestly though??  
  
**little lion** : laf is our spouse  
  
**little lion** : who is basically royalty, was born in a castle, and looks good in jewels  
  
**little lion** : I'm terrified of them  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**little lion** : are you sure that you're not in line for a throne  
  
**laf** : like 30% sure  
  
**little lion** : BC LIKE  
  
**little lion** : !!!  
  
**laf** : what if I was though what would happen  
  
**laf** : I would probably have to renounce my throne bc I wouldn't want to give you all up  
  
**little lion** : you would  
  
**little lion** : you would rather be with us than be actual royalty?  
  
**laf** : of course  
  
**little lion** : I love you so much  
  
**laf** : I love you too!!  
  
**little lion** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**laf** : <3 <3 <3 !!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : why do none of you tell me when I have to shave  
  
**little lion** : bc you're beautiful no matter what??  
  
**laf** : s t i l l  
  
**johnn** : idk I thought you were going for something  
  
**laf** : what would I be Going for  
  
**johnn** : idk!! what you do with your facial hair is really up to you love  
  
**johnn** : despite the fact that it's really nice and we love it  
  
**little lion** : rt  
  
**more like HUNKules** : rt  
  
**laf** : I need to start getting!! ready!!  
  
**johnn** : the ball isn't for another two hours  
  
**laf** : which means I'm running late  
  
**laf** : if you hear yelling from our bathroom it's me fucking up my eyeliner  
  
**little lion** : we've gotten used to it by now  
  
**laf** : I  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : someone come here and do my hair  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'll do it  
  
**laf** : I would do it but I poked myself in the eye with a brush and it Burns still and I don't have time to wait for it to stop bc I'm running late!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I am ruNNING up the stairs  
  
**laf** : BLESS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay you have to unlock the door first  
  
**laf** : DID YOU JUST RUN INTO IT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : MAYBE  
  
**laf** : HER C ULE S  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHY WOULD YOU LOCK THE DOOR  
  
**laf** : THE STOOL IM SITTING ON IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR AND IF YOU BUST IT TF OPEN ILL DIE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ,,,thats,,,,,fair  
  
**laf** : OKAY COME IN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : !!!!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YOU LOOK SO PRETTY!!  
  
**laf** : THANK YOU!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I WANT TO KISS YOU SO BAD BUT I CANT  
  
**laf** : when my setting spray dries you can  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'll start your hair now then  
  
**laf** : bless  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : I have our tuxes but I don't know where any of you are  
  
**little lion** : I'm mother husbanding again part time and forcing lafayette to eat bc they haven't done it yet  
  
**johnn** : we forgot to eat lunch  
  
**little lion** : yes but they didn't eat breakfast  
  
**little lion** : even if ours was cold eggs that Someone made us eat  
  
**johnn** : I wasn't wasting them  
  
**little lion** : still  
  
**johnn** : Still  
  
**little lion** : anyway we're all in the bathroom  
  
**johnn** : I'm coming up  
  
**little lion** : the door is still locked hold on  
  
**johnn** : I,,,can't lift lafayette's dress up the stairs,,,,,,  
  
**little lion** : that's fine love bc their corset is still in the spare room so  
  
**johnn** : okay great  
  
**little lion** : I'm coming out now  
  
**johnn** : yaY someone to make out with  
  
**little lion** : oh dear  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : my hair is done!!  
  
**little lion** : okay well we have twenty minutes before we have to leave and john is the only one dressed  
  
**laf** : wHY ARENT YOU  
  
**little lion** : I WILL SWEAT THROUGH MY TUX TRYING TO PUT YOU IN THIS CORSET I SWEAR TO GOD  
  
**laf** : OKAY COME ON THEN LETS G O  
  
**little lion** : COMING  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : WE LOOK SO G O O D  
  
**laf** : IM CRYING  
  
**johnn** : IM NEVER READY FOR HERCULES IN SUITS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YOU ALL LOOK STUNNING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH  
  
**little lion** : WE LOVE YOU TOO  
  
**laf** : OH MY GOD IM YELLING LOOK AT US  
  
**little lion** : WE HAVE SIX MINUTES TO TAKE PICTURES  
  
**johnn** : ITS LIKE WERE GOING TO PROM  
  
**laf** : MY FIRST PROM  
  
**little lion** : RT  
  
**johnn** : IM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY PROM RN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YOU CAN,,PROBABLY GUESS WHAT MINE WERE LIKE  
  
**johnn** : YOU WENT WITH ELIZABETH EVERY YEAR YOU WERE ABLE TO AND PROBABLY DANCED YOUR HEART OUT  
  
**johnn** : SOMEONE PROBABLY SPIKED THE PUNCH  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YEAH  
  
**johnn** : AMAZING  
  
**little lion** : FIVE MINUTES  
  
**johnn** : OH GOD  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : QUESTION  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHY ARENT WE ON OUR WAY THERE YET  
  
**laf** : I DONT FIT IN THE CAR GIVE ME A M I N U T E  
  
**more like HUNKules** : OH MY GOD  
  
**laf** : OKAY OKAY OKAY IM IN  
  
**johnn** : how are you going to pee in that dress  
  
**laf** : I  w o n t  
  
**johnn** : I'm so afraid  
  
**laf** : you should be  
  
\---  
  
**angelica** : yknow for people that wear nothing but sweaters y'all look NICE  
  
**little lion** : we're?? the prettiest people on the planet???  
  
**little lion** : at least they are  
  
**angelica** : ,,,,bitch,,,,have you seen my signifs  
  
**little lion** : yes I have and I have to respectfully disagree bc my signifs are beautiful and Look At Them  
  
**angelica** : yeah they look Nice but my signifs look Ethereal  
  
**little lion** : paRDON??  
  
**little lion** : DO YOU SEE ANY OF MY SIGNIFS  
  
**little lion** : IF LOOKS COULD KILL EVERYONE IN THE ROOM WOULD!! BE!! DEAD!!  
  
**little lion** : INCLUDING MYSELF  
  
**angelica** : AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT WITH YOU FOR THE THIRD TIME  
  
**angelica** : ARE YALL WEARING FUCKING WEDDING BANDS  
  
**little lion** : I,,,  
  
**little lion** : they're supposed to be engagement rings,,,,,,but yeah,,,,,,  
  
**angelica** : UNBELIEVABLE  
  
**little lion** : LISTEN  
  
**angelica** : IM SCREAMING  
  
**little lion** : WERE B AS I C ALL Y MARRIED  
  
**little lion** : I CONSIDER THEM MY SOULMATES AT THIS POINT EVEN THOUGH I MIGHT NOT TELL THEM THAT EXCEPT FOR LIKE ONCE  
  
**little lion** : AND WE ALREADY HAVE THE RING TATTOOS  
  
**little lion** : SO WHEN LAF DRAGGED US INTO A JEWELRY STORE TO BUY A NECKLACE AND HERCULES WAS LOOKING AT ENGAGEMENT RINGS AND LAF WAS LIKE WHY DONT WE JUST BUY THEM  
  
**little lion** : WHO WERE WE TO DENY IT  
  
**angelica** : I NO LONGER KNOW ANY OF YOU  
  
**little lion** : IF YOU DONT KNOW ME THEN YOU NO LONGER HAVE A POLY PAL TO TALK TO YOU ABT YOUR PROBLEMS SO WHOS REALLY AT A LOSS HERE  
  
**angelica** : FINE I KNOW YOU BUT I DONT HAVE TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT  
  
**little lion** : DEAL  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : thomas!! kissed!! alex's!! hand!! and!! I'm!! in!! tears!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : SAME  
  
**johnn** : DID YOU SEE HIM WHEN WE WALKED IN THOUGH BC HIS JAW D R O P P E D AND JAMES STARTED LAUGHING AT HIM SO THOMAS ELBOWED HIM  
  
**more like HUNKules** : N O REALLY  
  
**johnn** : YES  
  
**laf** : I HAVE POCKETS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD LET YOU SUFFER  
  
**laf** : I LOVE YOU  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I LOVE YOU TOO  
  
**johnn** : OMG WAIT THOMAS IS PROBABLY GOING TO DANCE WITH ALEX  
  
**laf** : I KNOW IVE BEEN THINKING ABT IT AND IM PROBABLY GOING TO CRY  
  
**johnn** : SAME  
  
**more like HUNKules** : S A M E  
  
**laf** : A H  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : thomas is wearing shoes that make him taller and honestly I'm bitter  
  
**johnn** : lafayette is 6'9" rn  
  
**little lion** : hercules and james are the same height which is Taller  
  
**johnn** : I feel like a small child walking through a forest  
  
**little lion** : same  
  
**laf** : w o w  
  
**laf** : I just got compared to a tree  
  
**little lion** : bc nature is beautiful just like you <3 <3 <3  
  
**laf** : I hate you  
  
**little lion** : you don't  
  
**laf** : I really don't  
  
**little lion** : can you breathe  
  
**laf** : yes  
  
**little lion** : good  
  
**little lion** : I'm going to ask you like six times tonight I'm v concerned about it  
  
**laf** : that's fine love  
  
**little lion** : you should kiss me  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**laf** : okay  
  
**little lion** : !!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : OUR LANDLORD IS HERE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHAT  
  
**little lion** : OUR OLD ONE  
  
**little lion** : MS. KORTRIGHT  
  
**little lion** : AND HER BOYFRIEND!!  
  
**johnn** : SCREAMS  
  
**laf** : WHY DO MARTHA AND DOLLEY KNOW E V ER YON E  
  
**little lion** : WAIT  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : WHY DO MARTHA AND DOLLEY KNOW EVERYONE  
  
**angelica** : whAt  
  
**little lion** : OUR OLD LANDLORD IS HERE  
  
**angelica** : ELIZABETH??  
  
**little lion** : KORTRIGHT??  
  
**angelica** : YEAH  
  
**little lion** : YEAH  
  
**angelica** : IF SHE WAS YOUR LANDLORD HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HER FIRST NAME  
  
**little lion** : I DO KNOW IT BUT I ALSO KNOW TWO OTHER ELIZABETHS  
  
**angelica** : RIGHT  
  
**angelica** : ANYWAY WE ALL USED TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM IN COLLEGE AND DOLLEY AND HER BOYFRIEND WERE FRIENDS  
  
**angelica** : I THINK THEY DID DRUGS TOGETHER ONCE BUT THEY WONT ADMIT IT  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**angelica** : JS  
  
**little lion** : I THINK HER BOYFRIEND HATES ME  
  
**angelica** : WHY  
  
**little lion** : IDK I JUST THINK HE HATES ME  
  
**little lion** : HE USED TO GLARE AT ME WHEN I WALKED THROUGH THE LOBBY FOR NO REASON  
  
**angelica** : OH  
  
**angelica:** IM PRETTY SURE YOURE SITTING AT A TABLE WITH HIM  
  
**little lion** : N O  
  
**angelica** : I DIDNT MAKE THE SEATING ARRANGEMENTS  
  
**little lion** : IM CRYING  
  
**angelica** : SO RRY???  
  
**little lion** : ITS FINE I GET TO EAT AND THEN DANCE WITH ALL OF MY SIGNIFS  
  
**angelica** : OMG ARE YOU GOING TO DANCE WITH THOMAS  
  
**little lion** : HOPEFULLY  
  
**angelica** : AHHHHHHH!!  
  
**little lion** : !!!!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : if one more person asks me to dance with them I'm killing  
  
**laf:** I'm pretty sure that since we've finished eating I've been holding hands with one of you the whole time  
  
**laf:** WE ARE WEARING ENGAGEMENT RINGS  
  
**johnn:** why are you texting us  
  
**laf:** elizabeth kortright and her boyfriend are directly across from us and they both scare me and I'm not doing it  
  
**johnn:** I  
  
**johnn:** okay  
  
**laf:** I just want to dance and be disgusting with you all but these fucking people  
  
**johnn:** I have to say though when they do ask you and you blush you look really pretty  
  
**laf** : hush you  
  
**johnn** : <3  
  
**laf** : ,,,,,,,  
  
**laf** : <3  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : DID YOU SEE THAT  
  
**johnn** : DID!! YOU!! SEE!! THAT!!  
  
**laf** : ????????  
  
**johnn** : SOMEONE JUST ASKED THOMAS TO DANCE WITH THEM AND THE WAY ALEX AND JAMES GLARED AT THEM WAS FUCKIGN LE T H AL IM SCREAMING SO LOUDLY  
  
**little lion** : IT WAS NOT  
  
**johnn** : YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE ABOUT TO GET UP AND KILL THEM  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YOU LOOKED AT EVERYONE WHO ASKED LAF TO DANCE LIKE THAT TOO  
  
**little lion** : IM A BITTER MAN WHO JUST WANTS TO DANCE WITH HIS SIGNIFS AND WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF OTHER PEOPLE WOULD JUST  
  
**little lion** : C H I L L  
  
**laf** : OMG  
  
**little lion** : I JSUT  
  
**little lion** : also do you see thomas rn?? not to be That Person but like,,,,,,,he's so cute I love him  
  
**laf** : WAIT WHAT  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : wait  
  
**johnn** : thomas and alex know that not everyone knows that they're dating right??  
  
**laf** : NO  
  
**johnn:** bc they're going to dance and people have already started looking at them  
  
**laf** : alex left his phone here and I'm waiting for the barrage of text messages  
  
**laf** : peggy has already sent him ""you do know that's jefferson right??""  
  
**laf** : both eliza and maria have just sent ""????""  
  
**more like HUNKules** : someone dance with me  
  
**laf** : I will!!  
  
**laf** : are you okay love  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yes but I have something to show you come dance with me  
  
**laf:** coming!!  
  
**johnn** : ABSOLUTELY RUDE  
  
**johnn** : do you think james would dance with me if I asked him  
  
**laf** : probably  
  
**johnn:** I'm gonna go for it  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : question  
  
**little lion** : go for it  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : do you have like,,,a weird amount of text messages?? asking you what's going on bc you were dancing with me??  
  
**little lion** : yes  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : okay bc same and I was just making sure  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : also I don't think I said it before?? but you look gorgeous  
  
**little lion** : omg st o p  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I mean it!!  
  
**little lion** : look at you though!! you're so beautiful!!  
  
**little lion** : and your suit is pink!! I love it!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!!!  
  
**little lion** : !!!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : HERCULES CAN DANCE!! HERCULES CAN DANCE!! HERCULES CAN DANCE!!  
  
**johnn:** I KNOW WE SAW HIM!!  
  
**little lion** : IM SO PROUD  
  
**laf** : I GOT TWIRLED LIKE EIGHTY TIMES IM SO HAPPY I LOVE HERCULES SO MUCH HES BEAUTIFUL  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I LOVE YOU TOO DEAR  
  
**laf** : YOU CAN DANCE!!  
  
**laf** : HALF OF MY LIPSTICK IS LITERALLY COVERING YOUR FACE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IVE BEEN PRACTICING SO THAT I COULD SURPRISE YOU  
  
**laf** : I!! LOVE!! YOU!! SO!! MUCH!!  
  
**johnn** : HERCULES THATS SO CUTE  
  
**little lion** : AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I LOVE YOU ALL TOO!!  
  
**johnn** : ALSO MADISON IS V GOOD AT DANCING I WASNT EXPECTING IT  
  
**johnn** : HE SEEMS LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO IS LIKE V SHY BUT LIKE HE WASNT IM STUNNED  
  
**laf** : do you want to fuck madison  
  
**johnn** : no  
  
**laf:** just checking  
  
**johnn** : that's fine  
  
**laf:** ANYWAY HERCULES CAN DANCE!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : !!!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay but wait is your lipstick really all over my face  
  
**laf** : yeS  
  
**laf** : it's fine I'll get it  
  
**more like HUNKules** : thank you  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh!! you're nails look v nice  
  
**laf:** you're ridiculous  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you love me  
  
**laf:** more than words could say  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : one time I went to a ball in france and I was so shit at dancing that a girl laughed at me so I left the country  
  
**little lion** : KHDFASDKJHVKLJFVH  
  
**little lion** : THAT DID N O T HAPPEN  
  
**laf** : FINE I DIDNT LEAVE THE COUNTRY BC OF IT BUT I DID GO TO A BALL WITH A GIRL WHO I WAS LIKE KIND OF DATING WHEN I WAS 16 AND I DANCED WITH ANOTHER GIRL THERE AND I WAS SO CLUMSY THAT SHE LAUGHED AT ME  
  
**laf** : WEIRDLY ENOUGH ME, THE GIRL I WENT WITH, AND THE GIRL I DANCED WITH WERE ALL NAMED MARIE  
  
**little lion** : DKDJJKFHJKDFHKDFJGH  
  
**laf** : YEAH  
  
**little lion** : YOURE THE MOST GRACEFUL PERSON EVER SO LIKE,,HOW  
  
**laf** : CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MY DEAR ALEXANDER  
  
**little lion** : YOUVE ALWAYS BEEN GRACEFUL THOUGH  
  
**laf** : IT TOOK A WHILE AND A LOT OF TWISTED ANKLES  
  
**little lion** : I honestly probably would have paid to see that  
  
**laf** : HUSH  
  
**laf** : IT WAS A DARK TIME AND NOT ONE I NEED YOU TO THINK ABOUT  
  
**little lion** : we would have loved you even then dear  
  
**laf** : I love you  
  
**little lion** : I love you too!!  
  
**laf** : dance with me!!  
  
**little lion** : lets gO  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I am  
  
**laf** : ti p sy  
  
**laf** : what are y'all doing rn  
  
**little lion** : hercules' phone is Dead and I Lost john who left his phone at the table s o  
  
**little lion** : oh and I've been sitting at our table talking to james and thomas for twenty minutes which is fun  
  
**little lion** : where are you  
  
**laf** : talking to peggy  
  
**laf** : I love peggy she's my fave  
  
 **little lion** : are you okay  
  
**laf** : no my hands are shaking what's going on  
  
**little lion** : l a f  
  
**laf** : fuck  
  
**laf** : fuc k fu ck kffuck  
  
**little lion** : ARE YOU OKAY  
  
**laf** : ahha hahha ha hh a h ah ha hha a h h a  
  
**little lion** : peggy just said you ran off somewhere  
  
**laf** : I'm hiding in the bathroom  
  
**little lion** : are you okay  
  
**laf** : I'm not saying I can't breathe but I can't breathe  
  
**little lion** : I'm rUNNING to you  
  
**laf** : please  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : can you go get hercules and john please  
  
**little lion** : of course love  
  
**little lion** : are you going to be okay here by yourself??  
  
**laf** : if I wouldn't be what else would you do  
  
**little lion** : ask thomas to find them and get them to come here bc you just had a panic attack and you need them  
  
**laf** : can you do that please I really don't want to be alone  
  
**little lion** : of course love  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : thomas!!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : alex!!!  
  
**little lion** : can you do me a favor??  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : of course  
  
**little lion** : something happened and I really need hercules and john to come into the bathroom but hercules' phone is dead and idk where john is and I can't Leave the bathroom so can you please get them for me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : yes  
  
**little lion** : thank you so much  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : no problem dear  
  
**little lion** : omg  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : WHAT HAPPENED  
  
**little lion** : read up!!  
  
**johnn** : is laf okay??  
  
**laf** : I'm okay-ish now  
  
**laf** : exhausted and very sweaty and also cold but I'm okay  
  
**johnn** : we're coming in now  
  
**laf** : okay love  
  
**laf** : can we go home though please  
  
**johnn** : of course  
  
**laf** : oh just so you know the reason my dress is rolled down is because it doesn't fit without the corset and I had to take my corset off so I could,,,,yknow,,,,breathe  
  
**more like HUNKules** : that's fine love  
  
**more like HUNKules** : do you want my jacket  
  
**laf** : please  
  
**laf** : let's go home  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we're right behind you  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : ,,,,,,,,,,,so alex  
  
**little lion** : you're lying in my lap rn so Watch it  
  
**laf** : idk if you noticed,,,,,,but earlier you said smth,,,,,,,abt tjeffs  
  
**little lion** : what did I say??  
  
**laf** : that you loved him  
  
**little lion** : ,,,,,,,,,oh  
  
**little lion** : omg what if I do??  
  
**laf** : that's so cute!!  
  
**laf** : are you gonna tell him??  
  
**little lion** : maybe?? we've only been dating for a month and a half so like idk is that too soon??  
  
**laf** : idk I don't think so??  
  
**little lion** : I want to go on another date with him first  
  
**laf** : I lvoe you  
  
**little lion** : how tired are you  
  
**laf** : very  
  
**little lion** : rest love  
  
**laf** : you honestly don't have to tell me twice wake me up when we get home  
  
**little lion** : I will  
  
**laf** : gn  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I'm sorry I made you leave the ball early  
  
**johnn** : dear your health is more important to us than any ball  
  
**laf** : I love you so much  
  
**johnn** : we love you too  
  
**johnn** : also come upstairs  
  
**little lion** : we changed the sheets!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : they're trying to sleep again so I'm going to carry them to our room we'll be up in a minute  
  
**johnn** : okay  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : silk sheets silk sheets  
  
**little lion** : sleep  
  
**laf** : f i n e

**Author's Note:**

> this is so long omg
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af, come yell at me


End file.
